Christmas gift from God: Forgiveness

My newest and most profound concept to learn, yet oddly something I have not gone through, is forgiveness. I love that it's still Christmas time and that I am going to learn this concept starting now because some of us are celebrating the birth of the Saviour. I hope that by Easter I will have a larger understanding of forgivness so that I can celebrate that season like no other in my 16 year walk with God.

It's going to be great to finally release my anger, resentment and pain from my past so that I can move on to being a whole person filled with true peace, honest love and walk in full grace....

On another note...let's chose A# (which is B flat) ...

We were SO blessed this Christmas and I looking forward to 2009 as we anticipate another year full of joy as we celebrate our 13 years of marriage and embark on our 14th. Who on earth would have thought that WE, Kevin and Jennifer would have this life....

love to all :)

How do you change your habits

It's that time of year... yes Christmas and stockings and turkey and Merry Ho Ho, but more the "resolution" time of year. I have claimed for many years to not make resolutions for the same reason that I claim to be a non-competitive person. Who knows me knows that I have a competitive side but only when I think I can win. My resolutions are no different. I make them all the time not just for the first day of the year.

Judgement is the next part of this. Judge lest ye be judged... ponder that for a moment.... Today I was so angry at Kevin as I shovelled the sidewalk and made room for the garbage and recycling. Added to my anger was the fact that my garbage system was not followed by neither children NOR husband (2 lidded cans for kitchen garbage and the third for misc NON food type) and the crows got into it. I lost my temper with Austin because when I asked him to come help me he said NO and went away. So being the good citizen that I am, I cleaned up the mess and started to shovel.

I asked God why just like almost everyone does, regardless of their faith structure and wondered why I had to be the one to do it, why I was the one with the problem kids and why I am the one who has had such a hard go at childhood that spills on to my own kids'. Those thoughts often round to, "Don't worry about stuff, I have it under control, I am God and I have a plan," which nowadays does provide peace and strength to continue on and rounded me to darn it, I need some salt... oh well...

Tonight while Kev and I went to get our turkey, I was explaining to him that I was so mad at him this morning for not doing the man job and shovelling and salting. He did say sorry but sorta wondered why the sidewalks should be his responsibility ... 10 minutes pass and a few turns and skids later he complains that people are parking further and further away from the curb making is more dangerous to drive around because "they're too lazy to" .... he totally paused and got quietish .... "shovel"

We had a good laugh about that one and I got to say, Judge, lest ye be judged, see, it's YOU who will judge YOU when YOU judge another....

So here's me judging me. How does THAT work... if I judge myself off the bat, does that help in correcting the flaw? I want to change this thing in my life called we don't do anything with our kids syndrome and feel SO GUILTY about all the stuff we see other people do then we make excuses about how we can't. So, I want to change this .... it's not as easy as the tips I am about to ask for, but as most of you know, I do a shopping cart method and Denise might suggest something that matches with what Laura might say or something that Kristen might comment on :) so go for it, tell me how do YOU change your habits.

Add this to MY Christmas list

http://badmommymoments.wordpress.com/2008/12/16/giving-the-gift-of-sick-days/

Blogging

Up, down... up down.... up down... please hormones LEVEL OUT!

I am achey, sniffly and well stiff.... great... nice timing as usual.

I am going through the wringer with regards to my past...it slammed me in the face when we found out that Austin struggles with an attachment disorder...don't want to cry so I won't go into more detail unless I talk to you IRL.

I have guilt alllll over the place because I had allll these plans and haven't gotten them done...

Here's hoping the Open House goes okay ...

what the heck... how did that cloud get over my head!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two minutes later I click on Antinozzi Adventures and read how unalone I am PRAISE GOD and then the word for the verification I SWEAR was : whormone ROFL

The Road Not Taken - Don't feel sorry for me. This is me asking for help.

Staying on the straight and narrow path is not easy at this time of year. When I say the straight and narrow path I do not mean the biblical one but more the one that I am on, not looking left to the green grass on one side or the fancy garden on the other side. I am referring to a path that I took rather than the one I didn't take...

I am rather melancholy as of late but I will not blog the specifics of my doldrums. Those of you who know me WELL, may guess but only a couple of people understand from where I stand to observe and draw my conclusions by feeling happy for others, or sad for myself. Keeping jealousy and envy is so hard this time of year. I know I will make it through having faith to keep twinkles in my eyes (if only the tears that well up once in a while) because exhibiting any negative attitudes will make the brightness of the season wear off and take away it's sparkle from my children.

Pray for me, hug me if you see me and invite me out for coffee. I sorta need it right now to make it through the next 4 weeks....

I enjoy this when I feel the way I do...

Robert Frost

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

It's Official

I sent out the evite and made the event in Facebook. I clicked on just about everyone we know and now comes the OH MY GOSH what did I just do reaction. Well, here's hoping to a fun time and praying that people actually show up. Am I the only one who ever thinks that about their own parties?

Anyone know how to capture

While I watched Paige as I held her, she was "talking" to me and when I looked into her eyes to say hi back, I noticed the reflection of the Christmas tree lights in her eyes. Now, burned into my memory are the tiny multicoloured sparkles that made her eyes twinkle. How do I capture that on the camera? I need to take a mechanics of photography course so I can at least know how to TRY to take those shots...speaking pf phtos, anyone out there available to come over tomorrow (thursday dec 4) and take some shots of us?

a crafter /the re birth of a crafter.

When I was little, I enjoyed crafting. I remember one day cutting little circles out of white paper, folding them up, cutting them into snowflakes, tying them to string then tying each of them to a hanger. I remember the smell, the feel, the look of my basement playroom, I remember the colour of the dimly lit space and I remember the final product was hung where I could admire it.

This comes to me as a melancholy thought however; It brings up my only-child childhood, my single mother, and the sadness that I had when I was just so small. I can't say that I had a horrible childhood because it would be disrespectful to my mother who did her best, my step dad who still loves me today and my father who I didn't really spend time with until I lived with him later on. I will say that I was lonely and sad or that I remember I was and that I don't have all too many happy memories but I say this with a GIANT BUT...
My Christmas memories are all among my happiest. Almost to the point of bringing tears in my eyes because the joy that was brought to me at that time overshadowed the rest. My mom had SO much fun with it and always told me that she loved making it all about me and making me feel special. I loved the crafts that we did in school and when I was sick one year on the last day before the break, they did a craft that I still regret having missed. I still remember doing most activities, the tissue paper pattern on the cut out stocking, the stocking you "sew" up with yarn and construction paper, the smell of the blue ink copy machine word searches and crosswords, a paper plate with a thing cut out and pasted into the center with pasta shapes all around and spray painted gold and paper chains. I love Christmas crafts and have done them on and off for all my life. I think while I was a teenager I probably stopped crafting although Tanya made it fun because we'd by the cheapest, ugliest and tackiest cards and filled and handed them out. When I had Hope it was like the craft bug was rekindled and I began crafting again as an adult but I stopped somewhere and this blog is going to help me figure out where and when I stopped. But my memories of crafting make the memories stick!

I am referencing Christmas in all these notes:

1996 - Hope is 7 months old. For Kevin I made A HUGE polar fleece blanket from a "seconds" piece (I paid 10 bucks which was a steal back then) I made matching Stockings from offset green and red flannel and edging stuff the name of which escapes me,I bought enough material to make more in the event that we had more kids.....

1997 - Hope is 19 months and Austin is almost born. Made a few extra stockings. That year as I impatiently waited for Austin's birthday, I sat in Mom and Dad's basement (Laura and Phil) and painted ceramic and wooden ornaments for gifts, a shell mobile (for MIL) that was SUCH a cool colour, a matching tealight holder, pineapple marmalade for FIL and remember that I wasn't allowed to be around when the varnish was sprayed.

1998 - I made these super cool glass balls. Okay I "crafted" them by adding snow to the tops. Kevin adores them and we only have 2 left :(

1999 - Kevin and I broke up a week before Austin was to turn 2...no crafts

2000 - I only crafted because I had a friend who had older kids who crafted and just joined in...it was bead crafts.
2001 - uh, no crafts and uh no crafts

2002 YAY we had just gotten back together in September and announced the pending arrival of Samuel on Christmas eve. For crafts it was low key but, the kids and I had fun gluing big confetti to differnt shaped things but not more than that crafting happened.

2003 Daycare year... did lots of crafts with the kids to keep them busy PLUS a TON of wooden ornaments, with Mom, (Laura) and we even got to sell some of these at craft fairs. Painting was FUN that year because I was able to loosen up and not make it so "perfect"

but 2004-present seems like a blur.... the twins (in 2005) bless them, made it difficult to craft.

2008 - It all started with me getting yet again, fed up. I have told a few of you what happened but I am SO embarrassed about it that I won't blog it, but needless to say all I thought of was how on God's green earth was my tree going to stay safe for the 4 younger ones if it has ornaments on it. In a fit of venting I had one friend say just get the kids to decorate, another say, oh they will learn and when I finally had said NOPE, only lights, one said just make em and decorate as you go. ... ... ... WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA and that re birthed my crafty side.

So here I am realizing that all at once I am cutting away my melancholy as I foster creativity in my kids while we glue the smells, sounds and feelings to our times together, sew memories on our hearts and hang them on our minds to admire and look back upon.

Tomorrow is tree putting up day and I have something planned for everyday of Decemeber. I hope the kids remember these times for ever :)

Christmas List ... seems to be catchy...

No one has actually asked me what I want but I was feeling sorry for myself today because I see people making lists and I know they will get some of the stuff on their lists... hmmm feeling sorry myself... chewing on that reality. I hate that feeling so to turn it around, ironically enough I wrote my Wish List.... there is no BS attached to this one, it's simply what I want for Christmas.

• A nicely decorated house that I feel all Christmasy coming into and makes others feel loved
• Lights everywhere in and out
• A well taken family portrait of all 8 of us; one that makes the viewer go awwwww....and letter to send out
• Inspiration, motivation and fulfilment of making gifts for people other than my kids
• People to come to our party on the 21st (details to come)
• Money to buy the things that I can't afford for my kids. (vtec/playschool digital camera, wii controllers/games/accessories)
• All 8 stockings filled
• Christmas morning snow
• Music all month
• money to buy somethings expensive for Kevin
  
• Christmas dinner to go off without a hitch
• go to church on Christmas eve and NOT have a freaking out family at the end of it
• a diagnosis for Austin that we can incorporate into our world
  

There are some things that I want, but more things that I need like sweaters and long sleeved shirts (I am cold all the time) and a pair of those funky rubber boots that go up to the knees. I have been looking for because honestly having cold feet makes me agitated, crabby and quite frankly unpleasant and anxious from the shivering it starts.

I don't know about sharing this because frankly I don't have anyone who I expect to get things from but processing it out and reading it over again it's a laugh because I didn't add the few things that I desire to have like a GPS unit, an 8Gig iTouch and Animal Crossing for Wii... those things added up equal my first born or my right arm, both of which I am quite attached to (bahdumbum chishhhhh) so unless the million dollars that I have been asking for comes in... those are unrealistic for December 25th, 2008...


"Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be for all people."

Thanks for Blogging Lara now here is my "comment"

I just read my friends blog HERE and she mentioned me. My comment was way too long to post as a comment and I started laughing while I wrote it out so I decided to copy her idea of her blog and do it too.

To Lara: (spoken in teenager "like hello" tone of voice) Yaaah.....hello!?

We have little kids but we still go through:
21 bananas min/week
10-15 apples,
42 yogurts,
2 bags of granola,
we've banned the kids from cold cereal because they go through 3 boxes a week and waste a cumulative total of 3/4 to half a box that gets left in the bowl all yuck and soggy (That adds up to 20 bucks a month!!!)
2kgs of oats/month
10kg of flour every 2 months
3 bags of brown sugar and I get the demerera or best brown stuff - $$
4kg frozen chicken breasts/month
3 family packs of ground beef/month
3 pizzas every week or so (Costco frozen ones)
1 lasagna/week
I think I buy granola and oatmeal bars every 5 days
2 best buy cheese from Safeway every week and now I think I need to switch to the behemoth one from Extra Foods,
4L of milk every 2 days,
2L of soy milk every 3 days,
30 dollars in misc fresh fruits and veg/week
now a box of oranges every 3-4 days,
a pack of spaghetti or 2 bags of pasta every week
10lbs of potatoes
HUGE bag of rice every month,
oh salad dressing; 3 bottles every 2 weeks, plus a 16 serving bag of salad every week nowadays
3 loaves of bread and 2 dozen buns (and THANKS be to God for free Cobs bread products from the church across the street and 4 properties down)
oh gosh does it end?

No?! and yep Lara! I see my future quite clearly with the two preteens who eat like teens, and teens, for those who do not know, eat like 1.5-2.5 adult portions and the little kids are still in the "serve a small amount and they might eat it or....not" and if they eat more, it's like a 2/3 portion for an adult plus they eat like ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL morning...all the toddler, preschool, K aged kids moms say WORD!!!

I think of myself and Denise and Lara and Kristen because we all either have kids who eat A LOT or just a large number of children.... can I get my chef hat and responded to like Jamie Oliver or Gordon Ramsey, I promise to stop swearing so much ;)

So let's also think about cleaning up all of that; dishwasher detergent that we go through because we are a team playing family who's older children are responsible for dishes and they use too much......or uh, newest found awe inspired thought is LAUNDRY det..... this is the 3rd one to come into the house that I said as I read it on my list at Costco, "didn't I JUST get this last time I was here?!" and last week I decided that now indeed it is worth it to save the 9 bucks every time and get the Kirkland one.....

PS the last time I bought canned soup I almost wanted to scream at how much it cost and how little there was

Homemade soup equation is great though. Eat roasted chickens costing around 10 bucks (1.5 worth of chicken meat to be fair) boil the bones with salt for 2 or 6 hours. Take out bones. That cost me the cost of the water (it's filered), the salt and not the chicken because I could have thrown it away. Then the 10 dollars of carrots, onion and celery and the left over chicken (or not) and a dozen free buns..... I LOVE making that meal! OH! I made salmon chowder with an 8 dollar fish the other day. I used better than boullion, which is 7 dollars for the jar and makes like 10 of my soups and other than that I added the veggies and meat... Soup can never be bought again becuase of the $$$$ of it but also because I don't like the canned ones anymore....

Who's next....

1 - 2 - 3 Magic

Does anyone have 1 - 2 - 3 Magic DVD series that they would be willing to loan me? I hear this technique is amazing and I would like to try it but don't have the time or patience to read the book. I might go buy it tomorrow so if you do have it or know someone who does, I would like to check it out :) THANKS!

No husband but maybe normal life returning...

This weekend is a landmark weekend in my new world with Paige. No husband. It was inevitable because he's a scout leader. I was so worried yesterday, but I have some friends jumping on board with cheering me on and I think I can do it. I am even heading to Denise's house for a Discovery Toys party and then INCLUDING church in my effort to return to normalcy. Actually what is normal anyway...merely a setting on a dryer and my dryer has an auto setting so AUTO is what my life is returning to.

So, just a short note to say hello to blogland.

Oh and just as an aside, I really want:
an 8G iTouch,
a WiiFit with whatever extras you can get for it,
Animal Crossing for Wii,
a GPS thingy for my car,
an SLR Camera that Andre can advise me on,
a house in Fraser Glen near church and
oh it would be lovely for the million dollars that I have been praying for (going on 5 or years) would show up.

Love you all!

One boy, one knife, one lesson learned

Me - "Hey buddy, did they use the gel to freeze it before they gave you a shot?"
Austin - "No, they stuck a needle right through it...(a few seconds pass) Mom, aren't you mad at me?"
Me - "No hunny."
Austin - "Why not, I was playing with a knife."
Me - "I think that was lesson enough."

Sometimes as a mother I am obligated to say stuff and then thankfully sometimes there is nothing left to say...

Help - what is it and why or how to ask for or give it...

I was about to write about what help is to better understand it myself but I don't think that I understand it enough to, as Tanya said, make a philosophical blog about it. Here is me sorting it out...I do need very specific help so I am thinking about how to ask for it through this....

The way that I automatically understand help is taken from the following example of my life as an only child with a single mom. "Mom, can you help me  _____?" My mother would answer, "What would you do if I wasn't here?" In most times that I need help, in all of them actually, I refer to this. What that made for me as a person is a strength in problem solving and for that I am so so so thankful but as with many childhood things, it created in me a negative response which includes a determination "to do it myself!" and the sense of not liking to ask for help is the manifestation of that idea.

I am not saying that I don't ask for help, I do, but there are certain times when I struggle with it terribly like what I need help for immediately in my world.

What I do need help with I can do ... but only because my mom isn't here? Or is this an instant of my determination TO do it myself. Jacob is a growing 3 year old and just like a normal kid, he tries to do things on his own. He gets into the car and tries to buckle in but gets aggravated when he can't do it himself but he does not have the reasoning yet to see that he will learn but for now he needs help. He doesn't ask for help most time he just screams that he can't get it done and that leads me to the point of teaching him that it's okay that he can't do it himself and reminding him that one day he'll be able to do it, just keep trying. Does it ever occur to the 3 year old to think, "what if I can never do it?" or really does he take in what I say and keep trying....that's rhetorical really. Indeed he will eventually be able to do it himself and yes for sure he'll be able to but does he know it?

What is it that I am going on about?!  One more example. Jon and Kate plus 8... right from the get go they have had help with taking care of those 8 of theirs. Not so much with the care although if you watched them early on, they had friends help them by taking shifts for feeding, a lady who folded laundry and I am sure other people who helped them with the transition. I wonder with Kate and all her determination and pickyness how easy it was for her to accept help that was given, offered and extended and how she managed to get the good help she needed as it was very specific I am sure.

Here is me stating I need help and very specific help indeed. Today after being run down, tired and now sick with something respiratoryish, I still managed to accomplish many household chores. I have been trying to get this stuff done for a few days but everytime I turn around the proverbial pile gets bigger and bigger. I feel like I am shoveling a walk when it's snowing outside...snowing a lot, and constantly increasing.... I really need tangible like come over and do X, Y and/or Z. I told Kevin tonight, I have gotten to the point where I need real, pay someone help and what I am asking for from you is prayer and networking is both the way to get prayer going and also the way to find someone. I am really picky and the area that I need help in is fairly specific. I would like someone 2 to 3 days a week to help me catch up on whatever is lagging behind. This person needs to know how to work efficiently but also be able to do things the way they need to be done, that's why I am paying I need them done "right" for this home :)

So that's my message sorry it's long, finally Paige is settled and I can take her to bed (she has a fussy time now but still sleeps in the morning HOORAY!)

Sent originally as a email..

Guess the occupation

Answer below, use your 3d or decoder glasses to see it, LOL just kidding, just highlight it :)

Mommy works at Home Depot and was selling a shovel.

My heart just broke

I subscribe to a number of baby newsletters. I am sure you know the type, "this is what your baby is doing or what you can expect in the next week blah blah blah." While I am doing that, I have Paige, sleeping on my chest being cute and squirming a bit. I just got a comment on my post about enjoying Paige so much and then I read in my newsletter about parental leave.... my heart broke while I remembered that in the US mothers get UP TO 6 weeks...up to... I am not even UP TO taking my kids to school let alone the busyness of working (if I were working). A small tear developed as I imagined having to drop Paige off and not see her for 9 or 10 hours.

These moments and hours are so precious and few and the developement that an infant goes through is beauty in and of itself. How do all the mommas south of us do it?!

While I was getting teary and emotional I was thinking that it's funny that I am writing this blog, it's election night over there and while I was praying for momma's across the line, I saw my heart being put back together and stamped with a maple leaf....gosh I love living here!

I found this from Carole's site

Hey you crafters and sewers... ROFL! not stinking drains, people who sew ROFL!!! anywaaaaaaaay... this link will take you to a contest so go to it and check it out. Maybe even check out that blog and see if you, hmmmm, wonder who I am talking to, DENISE, can get some ideas... ciao for now

http://threadsoffriendship.blogspot.com/2008/11/it-giveawayyour-choice.html

Paige Moments

My favorite moments with Paige are, holding her for hours in my chair while i click around with Lappy. waking up with her cheek on my chest and my daily smile session that comes at random and gets longer everyday.

Lord help me to keep these moments locked away in my memories as Paige grows into the child you've made her to become.

James 1:2

Consider it pure joy when you fall into various trials.

Really? Really?! Really.

Okay so upon further investigation into this verse, I come to a definition of the word joy. The definition is lengthy with many ways of explaining it but the one that sticks out, similar to the thorn that seems to be in my side, is (n.) The sign or exhibition of joy; gaiety; mirth; merriment; festivity.

Next thought on my list is how to do that...all I have to do is think and remember why I am feeling downish and "think to thank."

I was about to whine about my hormones wreaking havoc on me, about the weariness that I am under and the drop in my energy levels but all that it leads me to "think to thank".

I have raging hormones because my body is adjusting to the drop of estrogen and progesterone production. I have a disrupted sleep pattern because of both the hormone shift and the demands of lactation and the fact I have a serious drop in my energy levels is both because of the above and the reason I am thankful: I have a precious, beautiful, healthy, cute baby girl.

Her middle name will remind me how to continue to be thankful because if I count it all joy I remember that it is my pleasure and privilege to have Paige Six Joy in MY life.

Baby on lap

I have a baby on my lap. Apparently and according to everyone else, she's getting bigger. I don't see it. But then when I see that typed in there, I am reminded of an anecdote of boiling a frog. If one places a frog in a pot of water and boils the water while the frog sits in it, the frog will acclimatize itself and never notice the water increasing in temperature and die from being boiled.

I think what's going on here is that I am enjoying her so much, that as she acclimatizes herself to her environment outside of my tummy and I learn how to adjust our world to accomidate her, I overlook the fact that she's growing. One mom told me when Hope was small to enjoy the present. Not to look back or forward too far because if I did I would miss what's happening in the now. I don't remember a lot of what it was like to have 2 babies.....probably good that I don't but I do get to enjoy the memories of the other 5 kids as they are rekindled when I look at Paige and enjoy her company. Having her on my lap is one of the most enjoyable things, and the peace I have when I feed her makes the time go at the right speed.

Love you all...COMMENT WITH A HELLO ... please :)

Right now what is happening in my house... There is a terrible amount of noise coming from the playroom where Jacob and Sam are uh....playing... It's terrible in the sense that I DO NOT want want to go down there until I have the motivation to parent them to clean up whatever is causing that terrible noise.

Jack is (or was) reading books just behind me but now he's disappeared and it sounds like he's gone down the the playroom to see what "fun" his brothers are having. Oh and he's eating uncooked spagetti noodles.

In the last few minutes I have checked blogs and peeked at facebook.

Last night I uploaded some pictures from my camera to the computer and then uploaded them to my picasa. At some point today I will try to add them to a public album and then post some to FB.

FB is freaking wonderful! Remember, anyone, how I hated it right before the Baron's were married? Now, I have SO many family members on it that it makes Ontario and Africa seem closer. Also, it makes not having my mom around easier to swallow because I get to share my life, my kids and the new baby with her sisters.

I REALLY want to know who reads my blog because, I am hoping that the whole sharing it on facebook thing works. PLEASE comment (I will try to make it so that anyone can post a comment but be kind and leave your real name...don't steal the name of the great poet and song writer Anonymous.)

Um...oh LOL PAIGE!

Paige is amazing! She's begun a routine!!! What a good girl. Last night I left her sleeping while I picked up Denise from work and then went to Safeway (45 minutes or so) She nursed when I got home and then again at 1am after which I put her in her bed. She came into our bed somewhere between 3-6 ate and now then this is the 3rd morning in a row that she gets plunked into the car seat while we take Daddy to the train, comes home and nurses for 1-3 hours (on and off obviously) stays "awake" during that time and then goes for a nap in her own bed. Today I loved the Baby Bjorn again because I got to carry her around during a fussy moment.

I see that the sun is coming out YAY! so that means that I will be feeding her now and then after we all take Sam to the school, we'll be able to enjoy a nice walk. My mother always told me to "put the baby in the cold, it helps them sleep" couple that thought with the fresh air and sunshine and it's better than ANY antidepressant prescription (which I MAY be able to avoid this time)

In closing (some power blog eh? /me rolls her eyes) life is great! My outlook is different than I thought it would be. There is so much to look forward to and a fabulous new routine to use as a vehicle to mental well being!

Okay, I have enough in me to go look downstairs and get the kids ready for operation "SUNNYWALK"

Thanksgiving

God has been so good to us!

This weekend many of us celebrated Thanksgiving. I have always wanted to be able to sit down to dinner and go around the table with the food sitting in front and have everyone say what they are thankful for but now we have so many people and so much room that for the first time we have a designated kid table and an adult table!
But as I sat and ate my dinner I was thanking God so much for the little things: Vaughn got to hold Paige most of the night but for when she needed nursing and I was able to eat my dinner with two hands, we bought the turkeys so cheap so we had 2 18lb turkeys, we cooked them the night before, I have my baby (have I mentioned that she's perfect and cute), all my children are healthy, my husband is funny, handsome, a good provider, kind, a good leader, a daddy and my friend and that Jesus is the reason for me being able to have such a good life. OH! and we made it to church on Sunday with plans to make it a normal, regular thing!

I have all of you to be thankful for. From the lurkers (I know who you are now ;) ) to the commenters and all the people who don't read my blog but who have helped us so much with the coming in of this little one and the making of a home that this building has become I am completly in awe of the support we have had and the people who have come back into our lives.

Thanks for reading...love you all.

Reconnecting

Cathie, thanks for dinner tonight! It was SO wonderful to have you over and we always love it when you come for a visit.

Cathie's visit made me think though....
Whenever I open my laptop, through the wonders of technology, I am automatically connected to my home network.

To put it simply, I wish that I could plug into my church and get new and old relationships reconnected. *sigh*

Sometimes I wonder if being in Burnaby and going to church in Surrey is what we are "supposed" to do but as soon as we walk through the doors, I feel a sence of belonging and when I start to sing and the tears well up, I remember that it's my home.

Pray for us in this area. I want to be able to just plain old connect to my home network and enjoy the company of our friends at church and get to know how they live their lives and raise their kids and walk their walk.

Planning to make it to church on Sunday..............................

Ten Days Old

10 and 1/2 days ago Kevin and I were blessed enough to bring into the world a new being. My doctor prayed with Paige and I yesterday and reminded me of the wonder of 2 cells coming together and making a whole being. Today, studying Paige's face, her eyes, her ears, her tiny peeling hands, I realized again, that God is a truly amazing maker.

She's so precious to us. Not that the other children are not precious, or lovely or as loved, PLEASE do not read that here, but this child has come at a time in our lives when we understand that life is challenging, not perfect and hard to handle but that the little things are what make it good. Cuddling my Paige, knowing that in a blink she will be 12, makes me understand that I have very little time to hold her and cuddle her before she gets bigger and for that reason, I am completly enjoying her company.

I am breastfeeding her and she is a great team mate! She latched on PERFECTLY just after she was born, she ate every hour and a half or so for the first 48 hours, my milk came in at 24 hours and despite being jaundice has never been too sleepy to wake and feed. She is now becoming an extremly efficient nurser; feeds are becoming shorter and sleeps longer (*TOTAL*YAY*) She's already over 8lbs which means she's made it past her birthweight of 7lbs 4oz, and even the community health nurse said wow.

I wanted to blog and now I have. I don't have much to say, because I don't want to complain, but know this: That labour and delivery was THE most painful I had ever had! The recovery is horribly uh, horrible but as I was telling Denise today, there is little for me to complain about and more for me to be happy about because they didn't have to cut me open to get her out and I am not recovering from major surgery.

Kim, your mom is in my prayers
Tanya, THANK you for calling everday
Mom, I am so sorry that you are not well and praying for your health to return
Denise, OH MY GOSH the support that you've given me is amazing!
Tricia, who doesn't read my blog but all the same, I love you! You are fabulous to us THANKS!
Tara, I love you and think of you everyday!
Carole and Bill, thanks for coming for a visit and bringing "the thing" lol
RONNIE AND CHRIS!!!! BLOG DARNIT!
Jilian, thanks a bunch for the goodies and the visit.  The kids are enjoying them and well, so am I :)
For anyone else who reads my blog and came to visit us THANKS!!!! Come back and hang out again.

Love you all!

I am really just being honest about whining...but...

I feel so bad about whining so much. My braxton hicks get stronger and stronger as time passes and I can only assume that my body is going to be MORE than ready to go when it's time. I really do mean to be pleasant and lovely like a princess but I feel like I am being a spoiled rotten princess just whining and complaining about the wait for something that I already have, not unlike a child wanting to open a birthday or Christmas present beforehand.

Well, here is the thing. This goes against my faith, my belief structure and while it goes with the undercurrent of flesh that I am battling, it goes against the very core of who I am in Christ The words of Paul tell us to allow the Spirit overcome the flesh and what I am feeling is Romans 7:15 For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

So, pray for me. I don't want to beat myself up over being whiny and I don't want to allow the enemy to creep in. This is an AMAZING time in my life and the last time I will have a whole person living in my tummy....I should by all rights, be enjoying it and not overlooking the blessing of carrying a child.

(but also pray that she comes like today, tonight or early this week because Austin is away next weekend from Friday to Sunday afternoon and I just asked him if he'd be sad if she came while he was away. He said yes, then (this is the funny part) I said, "oh good, I was just making sure we were on the same page." Then we laughed....

Another great blogger to add to our community!

Recently I stumbled upon an old friend on Facebook. Some of you know and love her already but I wanted to share her blog with the resta' ya because her style is much the same as all of ours. Yesterday, I read her new one and asked her if she would be okay if I blogged about her. Without further adieu, click here to visit Antinozzi Adventures where Alex shares her views on all the stuff of her life :)

 And now a funny.

Samuel has started Beavers this year. Our group at Willingdon Church is totally committed to keeping with the original God centred guidelines passed down through the generations from Baden Powell and I couldn't be happier with the promises and mottos that the Scouting program instills into each boy in our group. Beavers, Cubs, Scouts, Ventures and Rovers all have their own Motto, Promise and Law to memorize. The Beaver law is: I promise to love God and help take care of the world. I read the promise to Sam and then asked him if he could say it back to me. He said this back: "I promise to love God and take over the world."

Contractions are not always what they seem to be.

The first kind of contraction that we learn as English speaking people is to take two words and make them into one. I do not want to go into detail because I don't want to bore the non grammar lovers. I find it ironic that I enjoy speaking without contractions but today I want to blog about contractions in the medical sense.

Braxton Hicks contractions are named for the doctor who "discovered" them. They are described as:
Braxton Hicks are described as:

• Irregular in intensity
• Infrequent
• Unpredictable
• Non-rhythmic
• More uncomfortable than painful
• They do not increase in intensity, or frequency
• They taper off and then disappear altogether 

The nurses at the hospital, when a prego momma is hooked up to a fetal monitor calls them "tightenings". have been putting up with them since my second trimester but since week 35 they have been increasing in frequency, intensity and pain every time they start up. As inconsequential as they seem to be they actually (for me anyway) do make things happen as they do the work of making the baby go down and sort of training the uterus to do it's job of contracting when the time is right.

Contractions need a few hormones: oxytocin is what makes the contraction happen and protaglandins are what make the cervix soft enough to open and disappear as the contractions get stronger, pushing the baby down into the birth canal. Why do I know all this without even having to think about it?
I have been reading and reading and studying and studying documents, other mom's comments about contractions, pictures and diagrams of the anatomy, edumacating myself on the subject which makes it that much more likely that I will understand when it happens for real.

NOT!
My title says it all, contractions are not always what they seem to be...

There are also so many things that people say can bring them on but it seems that it really does all boil down to timing.

With all of that said, I will add that I am sitting here with my belly going rock hard every 10 minutes and causing pain in my back and making my eyeballs pop out just praying that they go mega painful because experience and now some edumacation has taught me that I will KNOW when its the real deal.

So along with my prayers for a hurry up and let me see my baby, I do ask for this one too (which is why my house got cleaned by yours truly)

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the patience to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Playroom DONE!

April was a great month for us as a family. We moved into this amazing house and began to make it home. The first room on my list to be set up (besides the bedrooms) was the playroom.

The playroom is a room that needs to accomodate 8 people. The reasons vary from day to day but basically it was my vision to create an environment that ANYONE could relax or play in and clean up and RESET.

On Denise's first visit over, we did our best to convert the room from the dumping ground it had become, to a safe environment for the 3 little boys to spend time in without the fear of getting hurt. To Kevin's utter dismay, many boxes were shifted and many more things were added to the basement which is just beyond the playroom. A huge thanks went out to Denise for lighting a fire under my arse and helping my vision be rethought.

A couple of things went a tad arrey; we needed a gate to keep them from coming upstairs OR going outside (naked I might add), a way to keep them out of the extrememly dangerous for 3 and 5 year olds basement, locks on cupboards and furniture arranged in a nice way.

To make this blog short the point is that FINALLY it's done! All the toys are sorted into labled bins and either locked in cupboards or placed on the shelf which is the last step in making the room a nice and neat place to KEEP nice and neat. This will also facsilitate teaching the kids how to play with the one toy and then put it away.

I am going to be putting some pictures on the walls as soon as we find some frames in the basement and honestly I am so happy that it's finally done! Now, tomorrow, I will be able to take lappy downstairs and hang out on it without feeling like I am abandoning the little ones and well, my post...heehee post, like I can post a blog while I am at my post...

part two of the last post...

Awwww! Thanks KIM! I appreciate that.


After I wrote that post, I really did go into my bedroom and start on what needed to be done.

Up 'till a few hours ago, the crib had a bouncy seat, the diapering bin, and a few other straggly bits in it, the tower of pink (Paige's "dresser") had a laundry basket on top of it and the dresser still had the mirrored vanity on it but that's where the change area is designated and wasn't set up. NOW...there is nothing in the crib but a nice altered (by moi a little while ago) blanket and some stuffies for Paige to look at. The dresser is cleared off but for my jewelry box, two of my stuffies for Paige to look at, a makeshift change pad and the diapering bin which makes the change area complete. :D The mirror thingy is now on top of Hope's dresser in the basement, and she now has a few shelves to put her little trinkets on and a mirror for her to do the girly stuff she likes to do nowadays. On the bare wall "above" the dresser, I am getting Kevin to install these nifty box shelves.

Here's my list for tomorrow:

• all the parenting I did today, plus the potty training, the mothering, the cooking, minor tidying up and making the twins' bed
  
• making my bed (I really miss seeing it all made up)
  
• cleaning my bedroom floor and getting the closet door closed (done)
  
• cleaning the entryway Austin did this at 8:15 yay
  
• reclaiming the playroom
  
• vacuuming my bedroom, the stairs and the playroom
  
• and if I get to it, picking up the big boys' room and vacuuming it as well
• DRINK MORE WATER - I sorta forgot to do that today so if you call me remind me to have a glass of water :D
• oh and get the family to get rid of the crap on my dining room table (argh!) too bad a rift through space and time seems to be here where somehow freakin' K'Nex, lego, books, boardgames and tools seem to "find" their way into my living room...geeesh guys, tell my family to move it or lose it ;)

Again, love you all!

Dusting, Cleaning, Vacuuming, Putting Away

Does anyone know the poem that is written from a mom to her family that says something about "if it's dirty, clean it, if it's full, empty it, if it's hungry feed it"? When I was growing up before I moved to BC, my step dad DRILLED into me that if you walk into a room and see something that needs doing, you do it if you are capable. The thing is that when you are a tween or teenager you can find every loophole for the word capable...trust me on this Hope knows them all...I digress. Today it occured to me that while more difficult, challenging and/or tough to accomplish, housework or in this case the lack of doing so, boils down to willingness or unwillingness because I am ALWAYS capable of doing what needs doing. This is simply a sugar coated version of what the bible would make into, laziness.

In my case, my willingness to do the housework boils down to factors like, attitude, self control and discipline, patience and the newest enlightening thought...timing. My brain sometimes has a chemical imbalance and sometimes overcomes my hearts desire to have a clean, tidy and organized home. But being a recovering lazy person, and slowly but surely, working out my addictions, I have learned to somewhat overcome my sheer lack of willingness to do the housework and force myself to look at the circumstances.

Parenting in a messy home is so tough because there is a constant, "don't touch that, no that's not yours, that's dangerous" dialoge but changing the environment by making it tidy and clean, turns the conversation to, "please put that away, want to draw a picture, let's play a game". Also, it makes it nicer to parent the older ones by giving them the model to follow hopefully giving them the tools to overcome their own struggles of laziness and become individuals who can walk into a room and complete a task because it needs doing and not just because they have been asked, want something or someone is watching.

So all that said, today, after my blog about timing, I tried to call my doctor and make an appointment for the week...there are no appointments until next Tuesday. Today my doctor is on call so I thought that it would be a good day to have her, but givent that I just gave up on all that misery and poor me attitude, I had to take a deep breath. I called Denise (or maybe she called me) and said, "you talk, I am too upset and dont want to think about myself." I did get to vent, thankfully, but at the very least I was trying to get my eyes off of myself. You know what that did? It propelled me into a frenzy of selfless acts of housewife work.

I am pretty proud of what I accomplished today; I am sitting in a tidy, dusted, vacuumed, living room (except for the table FULL of stuff that the other people who live here need to deal with), five hot spots are cleared , my little boys have all their clothes either in the their dirty bin or folded and put away in their closet, my big boys have clean underwear, socks, shirts and pants in their armoir, all the summer clothes are in a bin ready for next year (including swimming shorts in ABUNDANCE), the lined closet is stocked, dinner got made, the bathrooms upstairs are clean, I tidied the carport (which included sorting some recycling) and the twins are asleep. OH! And I made banana muffins. I actually feel good about sitting down but also that I was on my feet for so long because gravity does work with babies.

I am smiling for the first time in a few days and don't feel like whining about my lack of a baby in my arms (although gosh I want to see her!!!) and while the dishwasher is running and I think of a shower or maybe another load of laundry, I have a strange sence of pride welling up...but the list is interestingly getting longer...tomorrow I am going to tackle my bedroom AGAIN (I live with the handsome but messy guy) oh well I just decided to do it now...I will get him to move the furniture, maybe....

Thanks for listening, love you all!

Timing

No baby yet. Well, that's not true, she's here, just not in my arms quite yet. After timing contractions for a few days, telling the nurses at the hospital about my other kids' timing in the past and hearing and trying to get it into my head that this is all about timing, I have made it to the point where I have things a bit more in perspective.

Tomorrow marks the day where some documentation and medical professionals say that baby is term and makes the countdown to Paige's latest day of arrival (I don't think my doctor will let me go past 40 weeks) 21 days. 21 days is easy but as simple as it is to say that, it's not as easy to walk it out.

I want to thank you all for the prayer and support through this very odd time for me. I feel humbled (verging on humiliated), at peace (but mostly forcing myself to be) and calm (even though my teeth are clenched most of the time and my foot bounces a lot).

 This is all happening in this way for a reason and God has the timing all figured out as to when Paige will get here...

Paige is on her way! Could I be happier?!

I love that I have a laptop, that I am fortunate enough to know my body and that I get to blog that I am on my way to the hospital in moments. YAY! All I have to say is holy cow what a horrid weekend, but I am darn sure now that I was in labor! Now, I am breathing through really mega contractions, contemplating a bite of toast and wondering how long it will take, how many people will show up and what Paige looks like, how much she weighs. Just for fun, if you get to read this blog before I let the world know about her, guess how much she weighs, keeping in mind that she is 36 weeks plus 5 days today and maybe just how many pushes she will take to come out.

Boy am I relived and excited that this is finally here!

Who needs Titles anyway?

UPDATED Sept 13 11:15am see below

Firstly, Paige is/was in 'occipital posterior position' as of Thursday. My contractions, that yes are braxton hicks for the most part, have been waking me up at night and the reason is that Paige's back is resting on my vena cava and through the thin walls of her tiny home, makes my eyeballs pop out and my heart pump in my throat...but then I wake up and they go away.

This morning I folded all the laundry while I chatted on the phone with Denise and said ow a couple of times. She keeps trying to tell me to not be in labour...read on...after I put away some of the laundry, I worked on phase two of pink sorting and labled and put away all of the rest of the clothes that Paige ALREADY has!!! I have 2 bins called 'Weebeth' for the record.

Then is was up to the school for 130:

Sam started Kindergarten this week and Tuesday was his first full day. Okay full half day. I love our school. They brought in a dance teacher who taught each class in the school a hip hop routine and they performed it this afternoon (looking at the clock I suppose it was yesterday but I can't sleep for reasons you can read below) All three of my 'big kids' were in the performance but the bonus was seeing all the kids that we've hung out with over the years perform too including Allura, our neighbour and Graeme and Bella who Samuel has been friends with for a long time. So cool and warming!

I left the big big kids home and took the 3 younger ones to get Daddy, we got Samuel's beaver hat at scout house and then went to the big new Canadian Tire on Cambie. I stayed in the van with the twins sorta monitoring more not contractions. Then we went to Costco and Denise called me again telling me not to have a baby, ha ha ha I said, I want her to come at the most inconvienent of times...she called me a brat!  As if!

I took a bath when we got home and then clicked the TV for a bit, these "not contractions" are getting serious at this point, but not regular. Apparently occipital posterior positioning makes labour long because she's face up and has a more difficult time making it down the canal.

Okay so here's the point...there have been a few times that I have said, oh yeah now I remember...like the overwhelming urge to pee because her head is rocking over my bladder...the pain that sorta goes down my legs, and then the oh so I REMEMBER THIS feeling of my belly tightening and then the breathing that needs to take place to make it pass....well, I couldn't lie down anymore so I got up and finised the last few things.

My bag is packed, I have a bag packed for Paige, I put the stroller together and the base of the car seat in the van today, I have a few outfits to try on my little doll when she comes out, the camera is waiting to capture her first few moments out of water, and I am letting Kevin sleep as long as I can...my contractions for the record are between 5 and 10 minutes apart and are varying in intensity, but I am guessing that as soon as I go lie down they will (ow) start going quickly...let's see how right I am...oh! Didn't I want to have a baby this weekend?

Love you all, you will either see a whiny post from me later or get a phone call from me, Kev or someone to let you know what's happening :)

UPDATE:
I am still at home. Seems for now that the contractions have tappered off but I am still quite crampy and making the most of it. I am so thankful that I have a go go go attitude, I have done 3 loads of laundry, had a nap and now I am making pasta sauce to stock into my freezer. Pray that this just gets going and stays going...I am getting tired... hugs...

36 weeks plus 1 day - crampy and starting to get crabby

My pattern for going into labour, while taking longer than the last 4 times, has begun. Last night I felt like, "that's it, it's never going to get here and I will be pregnant for either ever or a whole 4 weeks longer." For a few days, past my 3am urination call, I've traded the sleep for anxiety over whether or not my birth plan (or at least my get the hospital WITH Kevin to have a baby) will work.

Today is the worst of all. Right now, I have back pain like I did when Austin was coming, cramps like the sort that I have when I am one day one of my period and the every 10 minute or so braxton hicks contraction that makes my eye balls pop out...

The things that keeps me in my mode of, "Suck it up PrincessButtercup" are:

• that Kevin works across the street from the skytrain
• that the principal of the school knows that when I call, he'll be sending Hope home to babysit until Grandma, Denise or any other local family friend can show up
• the drive to the skytrain with stops every 3-10 minutes (for a contraction) will take the same amount of time for Kevin to change and get to Gilmour Station
• Samuel can be picked up for school by 2 local friends OR in the event that it's during kindergarten and Hope is home with the twins, can be brought home by one of 3 local friends who have kids to pick up after 3pm
• #1 thing keeping me ok is that all in all, God in in control, that HE's got a plan and that this will be a great story once the page turns to a blank one and Paige makes her grand entrance

Did I just hear the sound of trupets annoucing royalty?

Brilliance, Excellence and Timing...

McDonalds is smart but Jilian is brilliant. Today for the 5th time since I heard what Jill does for kitchen cloths, I took freshly bleached and washed cloths out of the dryer, folded them neatly, put them into the closet and set the bag back into the pantry awaiting a new batch of soiled cloths. Here's what she does and now I do... I use a cloth. If it gets too dirty (stinky is waaay beyond dirty so it's not that bad) I rince it out, wring it out and place it into a reuseable shopping bag...you know, the ones that cost 99 cents. Then I walk over to the linen closet and take a fresh cloth. This works for the kitchen towels too, but they just get used for 2 days and then tossed into the bag. Once I get down to 2 or 3 cloths, I take the whole lot down to the laundry room, wash and dry them and start the process all over again. This ends the whole, "WHAT is that smell, ewwwww, it's a cloth in the sink."

Today was excellent for a few reasons. Sam started Kindergarten. Have I mentioned how HAPPY I am for me, I mean him ;) Tonight Kevin and I put into the freezer 3 shepherds pies bring our total of those up to 4. I think I am going to try my hand at freezing Tourtiere, but I am unsure about the crust... we'll see...Denise makes AMAZING chichen pie and the crust is JUST fine so I think I will just go ahead and do the Tourtiere. Gosh I am happy about that. I cleaned up my kitchen after our cooking project only to make a clean spot so, in all my pickyness and armed with a new pack of Kirkland wipes, I wiped down the cupboards the front of the oven and the front of the dishwasher. I told Kevin that some women feel good about themselves when the get a haircut, or pedicure or new clothes. Don't get me wrong, I feel GREAT when theose things are a reality for me, but honestly I feel good about my WHOLE self when I have clean cupboard doors. I really which that the timing for having Paige will include that this burst of energy will include GIVING BIRTH, because I have SO SO SO SO MUCH of it, but my poor legs are puffed up and swollen and cannot handle it with the weight of her on them.

I want my body back. This may sound shallow and I think most of the time that we hear it, it sorta is. I said it a LOT after having Austin, Sam and then The Twins. I don't mean the look of my body this time AT ALL. I just want to scrub my floor on my hands and knees, get into all the nooks and cranies with a small brush, vacuum the stairs without thinking I might hurt myself and well, gosh, I would LOVE to get to vacuuming the living room...I want the pain to come now. I am so ready for it and so so so just wanting to not only do the stuff I want to (but also need to do) I want to nurse and cuddle and show off my very best asked for gift...my little princess....THANK YOU GOD.

Look at my LilyPie...35 days to go?! Wow! That went fast?!

Today marks week 35! Woohoo!!! We've made it without complications, preterm labour or any worries. God has been so good to us during this time. Between getting this great new house, moving miracles with the help we got, the great weather we had all summer making it easy for me to be pregnant, Warren being born (he's so cute), a prebaby shower and if Kevin's gut is right and the ultrasound is too we have a perfect princess on the way in less then 35 days...

I am so thankful for all of my friends, family and life!!!  Even though I am exhausted when I wake up in the morning, have pukey kids this week and a really busy schedule lined up for September, I am loving my life and living it to the fullest, enjoying every moment as it passes to the next....

How does the MSN network keep dragging me in?

the answer to my title is, in short, because I just missed it. Funnily enough, I don't miss the emotes, I don't miss the cool look of messenger, I truly missed those who regularily log into the network. I keep saying it like that because I use Pidgin Instant Messenger and NOT MSN's. So, in short, hi again to you if you see me online and one more thing, don't send me offline messages, I can't get them :)

Love you all! ALL of you...

I found this on Tanya and Kim's Blogs

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.
No.
Explaining.
1. Where is your cell phone?
bedroom
2. Relationship?
Important

3. Your hair?
Disheveled
4. Work?
Constant

5. Your sister?


6. Your favourite thing?
Solitude

7. Your dream last night?
Pregnant

8. Your favourite drink?
Coffee
9. Your dream car?
Expensive

10. The room you’re in?
Untidy

11. Your shoes?
Pink

12. Your fears?
Few

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
Established

14. Who did you hang out with this weekend?
Hatchlings

15. What you’re not good at?
Drawing

16. Muffin?
Homemade

17. One of your wish list items?
Laptop

18. Where you grew up?
Pending

19. The last thing you did?
Typed

20. What are you wearing?
Outfit

21. What aren’t you wearing?
Earings

22. Your pet?
Cats
23. Your computer?
Lappy

tired?
Usually

26. Missing?
Nursing

27. What are you thinking about right now?
Paige

28. Your car?
Truckvan

29. Your kitchen?
Perfect

30. Your summer?
OVER

31. Your favourite color?
Pink

32. When is the last time you laughed?
Barons

33. Last time you cried?
Fortnight
34. School?
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
35. Love?
God

Showers, Breastfeeding, Pregnancy

First of all, I had to share this with you guys because I really just want to keep on trucking with getting over "shame" of breastfeeding anywhere. I have SUCH a busy fall and winter, that if I do not continue to pour into my world the wonder and amazement of breastfeeding, I will not be able to nurse at school, on the way to school, at church or just at the mall.... I really love that mommas do it so I REALLY want to be brave and GO FOR IT....

Secondly THANKS FOR THE SHOWER!!!! I have been having SUCH a fun time putting away stuff that I actually got the sewing machine out!!! THANKS SO SO SO MUCH !

So, Wednesday is 34 weeks and the doctor says he thinks 36-38 weeks I will POP! Let's pray this is the case.... I am ready, but for a few things that I want... which I can look for in the time being... love you all!

Really honestly a good summer 2008

Here's the first thing:  

Kudo's

Kudo's to my dear friend Denise who seems to get things done

All the time she works SO hard until after the setting sun

She is so dedicated to her kids, her husband and her friends, 

Her love for live, passion and drive she often extends.

She made a list of things to do before the summer was through

The Quay, the beach, the farm and other things that are fun to do

Her example was followed by me as I did similar things in different time

My summer with my kids was fun and give her the kudos in this rhyme.

Secondly, I am SO glad that swimming lessons are over! BUT It was WELL worth it. The difference in my little ones is HUGE. They truly are preschoolers now and miss their swimming teacher already having asked to go see Alvin at swimming. SO CUTE! I hope that the 2 weeks they had has prepared them for the 22nd of September when they will go to preschool playtime at Lochdale 2 times a week. Sam did AMAZINGLY well and passed a level that I thought FOR SURE he would have to take a couple of times but the notes on the report card are that he's a strong swimmer in the deep end...go figure. Austin is ticked at me because he didn't pass. Level 4 is crucial to the rest of the levels because of the front crawl which get this, "Mom, it's your fault because you didn't tell me that I needed to work on it." :::roll eyes::: Hope passed into the 6th level which is a 45 minute class and starts the learning for life saving stuff. I am trying to encourage her become a lifeguard and instructor and think it would be the coolest job for a 15 year old to have...well again, I am glad its over but thankful that I was able to give my kids the one thing we have tried to do for 5 years running...

Oh for Pete's Sake! Baby Blues already! This is a PINK baby though....

To start and following, with an explanation, I hate being "crazy Jen" so, for the record and as a prayer and request, stop making this a reality in the universe and change it to a positive.

TaraLynn told me YEARS ago that I have to start looking at mental health in the same light as physical health. Like, if I cut my finger badly while chopping onions for dinner or felt like throwing the onion across the room I should be viewing these things for ME identically. So, I would go to the doctor for the cut and now, ARGH!!!! I will have to bring this up at my next freaking, maternity appointment....

Seriously, I am sooooo done sometimes with having THIS chemical makeup. Will I forEVER be struggling with the "high highs" and "low lows" that I have apparently be born with? If my mom was alive she would tell me that it doesn't exsist, my grandmother tells me that it's just the way it is, my foster mom tells me that she loves me and I need to talk to my doctor, I don't tell my mother in law and my sisters and good close friends will put an arm around me in whatever capacity that is and help me through this.

I didn't have it with the twins, but I honesly JUST figured out today that YEP! It's here... it even has a name "perinatal depression" so, INTO the doctor I will walk and off to the Reproductive Psychology clinic I will go because woman who suffered with this long ago had no help and it would be practically shameful for me to NOT take advantage of the help that we have nowadays.

LOL! I just paused to get some facts before posting this and I read "As many as one in five women in BC will experience significant depression in relation to her pregnancy and childbirth." I have been pregnant 5 times and VOILA! I am the only person in my world who has suffered, stuggled and been treated for this... OH THE IRONY!!! Now I am giggling cause the rain started and it was a beautiful sound.

Less than 8 weeks and counting

Paige is so cute! We had an ultrasound on Friday afternoon while Sam was with his Grandma and Grandpa in Steveston and the other 4 were cared for by the brave and courageous Denise (A HUGE THANK YOU TO HER FOR HELPING US OUT!!!) We had to have another one done because the last technician couldn't find the stomache or the heart. The lady we saw yesterday is the same lady who saw the twins (and then again with them 3 more times) and who confirmed that there was only one baby when I was barely pregnant with Six. Little did we realize that she saw all the functioning organs the first time and that the worry that I had was probably unwarrented (as in, I have to go to the doctor again before I will say IS unwarrented) anyway.... she's going to be my perfect little princess. I don't know what that means but I really feel that in my heart. I was 32weeks plus 2 days at the time of the u/s and she is measuring at 32 plus 2 days, just like she should be. What a good girl. The little monkey is all backwards and upside down, but there is only one child in there and I am sure that her big brothers made room for her to flip and do her yoga for more time that what her big sister was able to do so I hope there is still time for her to point DOWN and come out without surgery. I also asked okay is she still a she and the tech said she will say in the report and the doctor will tell me. :P is all I say to that.

That's it for now, oh we have a leak in the basement that we need to talk to our landlord about so please just pray for the situation to be easily resolved...

Who Flung Poo by Spoton Wall

I love these little puns the other one I like is Rusty Bedsprings by I.P. Nightly.

BUT

I have a 5 year old who occasionally wets the bed and a chronic bed wetter who I am assured will one day grow out of it (and a new drug card that I can use to get a drug that will help him with it - 100 bucks a month was too much to put out to wait for it to come back) and the joke is no longer funny unless I force myself to laugh at it.

I will tell you now about Who Flung Poo. After reading Tanya's blog, doing my research (only Tanya, Andre (I almost wrote Dark) and Dena (I almost wrote Rhea) will understand what that means) and writing my bottle blog I got up out of my chair. A little late for the babies err twins to be sleeping I opened the door. My nostrils were filled with the oh so not nice smell of poo. But Jacob greeted me at the doorway diaperless and my thoughts attitude went further down. Jack, lying on the bed also diaperless, woke up with wet hair, and I look to my left and with HORROR realize that Jacob's nom de ploom today is Spoton Wall.

Methodically, I ran a bath and asked Hope to watch the boys while I grabbed the Kirkland scubbing wipes, a glove and a garbage bag and begin to eliminate the cause of the smell issuing from the twins' bedroom.

While I scrubbed I prayed that this would never happen again but all too soon I judge myself harshly and feel left with a less than healthy view of myself. I felt like a bad mom, I felt like a bad caretaker because, how many times will I have to do this. It happend with Austin, it happened with Sam and now with the twins. I know other  moms who have boys who don't go through this stuff, who's boys don't play with poo so it must be me.

Well, for now I will chose to be thankful in my heart and say, I had the Kirkland wipes, that I didn't have when Austin or Sam did it, I have the laundry room, that I didn't have when Austin and Sam did it and I have a carpet extractor that I didn't have when Austin and Sam did it. So all in all, I am thankful.......and now Hope and Kevin are preparing dinner...... I need a hug and some time away from this house......*sigh*

Playtex Natural Latch Nursers

I really like the Natural Latch Playtex nursers because the nipple is identical to the boob. They are also easier as far as Kevin is concerned because all we have to wash and sterilize is the nipple and ring. I just got 2 packs of 100 liners (YAY!) for the 4oz bottles from a local momma. I am going go see if I can find the 4oz individual bottles because if I remember well, using a 4oz liner in an 8oz bottle is annoying at best and the starter kit only has one in it as far as I know ;) If you know where to get the pretty 4 oz natural latch bottles, comment here and let me know... hugs to all!

I miss R2D2 ...

When Austin was little I had the best monitor I have ever had. Nothing else that I have had including the Angle Care one or the Safety 1st one that I had when Sam was little even remotely good compared to the R2D2 looking one I had, I really miss it. I wish I could remember if it was First Years or Safety First, I am looking on google images for the picture of it but this is the closest that I can find but that's not the one.

Mom, if you remember which one it was, you had one too and/or if any of you know of a good high quality rechargeable receiver monitor out there, send me the link so I can check it out.

31 Weeks

Last time I was pregnant, at 30 weeks we were in the hospital trying to stop labour from progressing. Jackson was pretty determined to come out at that time, but thanks to the prayer of all those around (including a few nurses) and the drugs, IV and medical bedrest care that I recieved, he had to wait to come out. I remember that for weeks before and the weeks leading up to their delivery I was not being able to breathe well with two of them pushing on my diaphragm. That caused me to be EXHAUSTED just from the sheer lack of oxygen. I even blogged about it in my very first blog ever

I hate complaining, hearing complaints, whining and hearing whiners but I feel that this is a good way for me to remind myself why indeed I do NOT want to do this again! Number one: 6 kids is quite enough (even though 7 rhymes with Kevin ((NO! DENISE))), two: I love my babies - 6 babies is enough and really the last and most important one for me to realize is that my body can't handle it. It feels odd to say that at 33 but in the grand scheme of things, I suppose this is the reason the Lord had us start early on our family.

 I just hate the uncomfortable part of it being that I don't want people to feel sorry for me, but more that I want to convince myself of WHY I must not push it. We don't want a premature baby, they come with challenges and I don't want to be unavailable for the rest of the kids. I have faith and assurance that everything is fine, but again, it's hard for me to keep it in perspective without jotting this stuff down to remind myself. My blog is my free councelling and I like the way that it works much better than having to write it by hand.

I just finish folding and put away 3 loads of laundry, it was all the twins clothes. I really enjoy folding lately, I know that's a shocker, but it feels so good to not only see all the put away laundry in the closet or drawer, but it feels so nice to just go in the bins and get clean outfits out. Usually I would be able to fold the rest of the laundry that is piled up but not today. Today is hot, the air is heavy and there is a child (who is measuring bigger than 31 weeks) pushing on my diaphragm, making it hard for me to get a full breath. 

I am done with my semi whining now. Please don't judge me.

Hancock

I liked this movie Hancock, it was a really good show. I know that it's probably not gotten great reviews but I and Kevin enjoyed it.

I am adding to my list of things Paige needs for several reasons including keeping a running checklist that I can refer to and not so much for the act of receiving. I actually feel weird asking for stuff, as I have said and don't expect that all of the stuff I need is going to be brand new. I just feel NERVOUS about the lack of time there is left in the summer, which reminds me of school supplies, which reminds me that Sam is starting Kindergarten, which reminds me that Jack and Jacob start preschool, which reminds me that they are STILL not potty trained, which reminds me to make sure I have enough diapers for Paige which all full circle sends me into a frenzy of what the heck do I need before she is born....

My mantra for the next few weeks...  

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

The Masters Face

When I look in the mirror who do I see
Christ around or Christ in me?
Does his reflection stare back at me
or is it me in him and him in me?
Is who I am the person I be
Because it's to Christ that I decree?
Perhaps I'm the person created in he
Declaring with certainty, "He died for me"
Perplexed I am that I cannot see
If you see him living in me
If you do not, then I say to thee
the image you see cannot be me

For

I have chosen to live as he
Then I live in him because he's in me
God is the master of refining you see
He'll polish the silver until he can see
Not the reflection of me but the reflection of he.

Samuel

It's hard for me to word this in any other way than to say that I have another 5 year old. 5 is such a big number for a kid to be. In my heart I say goodbye for sure to my baby Sam, hello to the big kid he is and I will wave to him when I send him to kindergarten as he takes his first steps into his journey of real life. Being the 3rd one that I get to see grow like this, I think I have a better understanding of what it means for him to be the big boy that he is, but also to remind me of how super fast these little people who we've been given charge over grow. What a precious kid he's been to us. His life has made so many things happen for me personally and without him there are people I would not have met, changes I would not have made and the person I am would not be the same. Thank you God for giving us the beautiful kid that Samuel is.

When Sam was born, and he had no name, I insisted that Kevin name him because I didn't want another child to be called baby for 3 days. Kevin very purposefully picked up the bible and started to read from 1 Samuel and when he got to the following verse, tears filled my eyes and I said, that's it, that's his name. "1 Samuel 1:20 So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, "Because I asked the LORD for him.""

Samuel has blessed us so much with who he is, and while it's hard a lot of the time to remain calm and keep my perspective, I know that he is who he is and that we are doing out best to raise him in the way of the Lord.

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY SAMUEL!

PLEASE read this blog posting :)

This is a topic that is as political as much as it is relevant to me and my family personally.

Currently in British Columbia, we do not have all day Kindergarten nor does the province provide preschool without having to jump through hoops. Not only because I have 5(6) kids am I asking you to read this and comment to the government about it but also because as the blogging community, it's good for us to use our blogging for other things other than sharing a macaroni salad recipe.

This is the link to the news article found on the Ministry of Education website. It will ask you to download the paper and then the email address is there for you to submit your letter. I am not asking for you to have the same opinion as I do, but I think it's important that BC Ministry of Education gets the whole view from people who have or have had kids of this age range or simply an opinion about it and for you to tell them.

Thank you for reading this one...

Blogger Layouts

I loved the look of the last layout I had, but I seriously didn't like the form of it. It was too narrow and quite frankly way too bright. My SP buddies mocked the pink and I realized also that it was somewhat blinding. I still didn't like how the other blogger templates look BUT I totally didn't want to get a new one outside of blogger because I had just finished creating the widget for the list and when I get a new template the program insists on getting rid of my widgets, okay so.... I figured out how to actually take a base template from the blogger site, tweek it, add a custom banner and the played wi0th the colours making it truly my own template :)

How impressed am I? Well, I blogged it so I must be at least proud that I didn't steal anyone else's; I am not fond of taking others' stuff. I don't like to copy unless it's an idea like wearing makeup, parenting well, keeping a clean house, having a sandwich maker, getting the newest game system and fun board games and of course following Christ, which is the best kind of copying :)

LOL and now to copy Tanya sort of , comment back with who I might be talking about in each of my copying examples keeping in mind that sometimes when the copying that I do happens, it's because another person has done what another person in my world has done before and I say, "Fine, argh, that's a good idea, I will copy it" but not every example has many people pointing at it :)

Showers in the Summer

A shower in the summer to bless my little Paige as the Sixth chapter in this family. I, even before getting to the day, feel oh so blessed because the honor of having the new person coming into the world is who is mine and Kevin's and I get to enjoy it with all of you.

I have been asked to blog a list of things we "need" and Denise and I chatted on the phone to sort of figure it out because the list of things I don't need seems to be higher than the list of things I do need. But, I am going to create a list because it was fun to see Peanut's list before we knew he was Warren ;) What a cute kid he is eh?

Masks

Is the smile upon my face a mere mask
or is the smile upon my face my true self
Would I be the same person if I didn't paste it on?

The masks I wear are sometimes contractual
based on my beleif structures as a woman of God
a spouse a mother a friend.

I would be untrue to myself if I didn't make the effort
I am who I am and I work things out the way that I do
tears and laughter, singing and praying, waiting and more waiting...

It makes it me who I am to paste this on
and me who I am to make it stick
"Suck it up Buttercup you are a Princess" I hear the Holy Spirit telling me
and that makes me
smile.

More Pregnancy Woe BUT!

Last week was weird, as in, I don't think I enjoyed it, but it went fast and I did things with the kids so I feel good that it's over and on with the next. Saturday I enjoyed my visit with Tanya and MiniDark (that's what we call him on Star Pirates) and then we had dinner with Kevin's leader group from Cubs. What a very interesting bunch of people I am a part of in all areas of my life. The dinner was awesome, I am guessing because someone else cooked, but also because the hostess is just such an amazing cook!

Sunday we got to church again! I am so happy we are a part of that community again and to make it more fun, two babies were born into our congregation last week and they are from 'kids' to whom I taught Sunday School. They are adults now but I do have to remind myself of that sometimes. I got to see Cam and Tyra's baby and she is soooooooooo cute!

Monday was so productive! I got so much cleaned by the end of it but BOY did I pay for it today... I think my energy level can be made into an equation that looks something like: 77 days left to my due date, add 10 for an overdue (AS IF) date to make it 91. Let's just say that I have 100 percent of energy for the next 91 days. Yesterday I used 2 days worth of energy and as pay back I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo slow today... like soooooooooooooooooooooo slow, so I did very little well, not true because somehow I still managed to vacuum, hand wash the floor, shower, make lunch and dinner, take the 3 little kids on an outting, then take Hope to youth... I dunno, it feels like a blur and almost like what I remember having the twins was like. I really don't want to miss any of this right?! So, that's the reason for blahging today.

The other reason I have to blog is this: big HUGE sigh okay? I didn't want to have a baby in September because Kev said he'd rather that she come in October. Upon mentioning this to Andre and Tanya Andre said that he could share the 11th and I was happy to aim for the 12th. I also after processing decided that the twins really should have their month all to themselves. BUT this is what the Lord is telling me..........babies come as alll things do, in HIS timing........ so what that tells me in my heart is that I will probably not make it to October with Paige, and well, I am just fine with that.... as long as I don't make myself think that now because I think that I will be all ticked when October rolls around and I am still pregnant...... heh heh heh, isn't that always the way it happens.

So in one week prepare for me to panic about something logistic, I can remember doing nothing less than worrying that nothing is done HOWEVER, I do only have 11 weeks left and there is still a lot for me to do, but somehow, it's all getting done..... the next list I make will be the frozen meal list... so sorry this was blah and not very well written, I am not even re reading it to edit it, so I love you allllllllllllllllllllllllllllll good bye :)

Alas, perhaps it was too lofty a thought

I know that Bill, Mr. Masters of Poetry doesn't read this but his spouse and the love of his life does, so would you ming please telling your man, dear Carole, that his use of vocabulary is fun to watch and part of the reason I want to be so eloquent in my use of words ;)

Okay so my lofty thought was trying to have a party while being 28 weeks pregnant. I forgot or I just got too busy to invite people and only on Monday did I realize that I had done so. I don't want to be more lofty and "postpone it" so cancel is the word but I feel crappy that I don't get to honor my husband with a 40th party. We do HONOR God daily so that's taken care of and all of our friends should know that they can come anytime. If you were planning to be here anyway, come but I have nothing planned. I have been putting off writing this blog because I am half embarrassed but on the other hand, my 2nd to last blog has made it SO easy for me to be even more real with you all. The issue here is that I just can't do big projects anymore. *sigh* I was hoping to make it to 30 weeks but 2 weeks ago I hit a wall and avoided the reality of my sinking energy levels and last week admitted to not having any more energy. I do believe that I have been given the ability to balance my life, with the 2 little kids, the 1 biggish kid and the 2 big kids, make dinners, moderately clean the house, parent, vacuum when the parenting of chores works and well drive. I enjoy driving. That brings me to this...WE HAVE A NEW VAN!!!

I wish I could tell you the whole big story but, listen, we wouldn't be having this beautiful (I think she will look like Jackson) princess of a child coming into our lives if our old crappy van hadn't died and Kevin's cousin hadn't given us the Astro. We love the 91 Astro van but it is oooooold and well over 300k, has an exhaust leak of some sort (stinky), horrible on gas, but has totally served us very well. I think it has a lot left in it, but it will need TLC from a person who also loves this series of van and wants to put a bit of money into it. ANYWAY... we have been looking for a while for a new (to us) one and YAY! on Sunday we looked at one in Surrey and by Monday night we were the proud owners of a 1995 Astro Van with only 177k on it!!! Can you imagine! GOD IS SO GOOD TO US! that should have cost us close to 4000. Okay so why was it so cheap...I was asking myself, God and Kevin that same question over and over but we were feeling like it was the "START THE CAR" type moment like the lady in the IKEA commercial running towards her husband after a sale, have you seen that one? Anyway, long story short, this blog is already toooo long, she the lady who sold it LIED to us, out and out LIED. "I should have said in the ad that it had A/C capability but it conked out in the winter." Kev took the van to a friend of his' brother's place and get this...... the compressor is not even there! So, as I type this, Kev is on his way to the wrecker to get a compressor for 100bucks! YAY GOD! We so neeeeed A/C in this family because.... almost full circle (love this kind of blog) I love to drive, I am too pregnant to do much more than take my kids places and A/C will make that doable!

So to recap, no party, new van, too pregnant to do anything and still, as always, sucking it up like a good PrincessButtercup :)

You all really did encourage me to blog like this so I hope that I increase my readership to encourage others to do the same! What a release it is...

love you all...even those who may not comment or think I don't. I genuinely love all people in my life no matter how distant either geographically or emotionally or in lifestyle I hope to reconnect with you over the summer. HUGS! 

What a WONDERFUL bunch of woman I get to be a part of!

I am not JUST saying that because you guys commented on my blog and encouraged me so much, I am not saying that because I had a crappy time and you helped me to overlook the crappiness of it and I am not saying it because I am sucking up. You guys really are the best there is! This list is is CERTAINLY not exhaustive but:

Tanya I am so happy that I get to be a philosopher and that you actually feel that way about me. It's a neat feeling to think that today. I love the history that we have as friends and love that I can count you as sister.

Mom, you always know what to say, even if I don't like it but I did this time ;) It always warms me that you love me so much like a kid of your own and that you are proud of me. Thank you!

Denise, you have SUCH an amazing way with words, (ps GET BLOGGING and boldly), I am getting to the point of actually not caring about what "they" think. My last blog and this one referencing you and others is the proof ;)

Carole, I actually got fuel to blog the way I do, because YOU my friend, are so to the bone truthy that it gives me the courage to do the same.

Tara, sister I love you! I just love how fricken cool you are, you make me laugh and make me look at my world in a healthy way I am so proud of you I talk about you all the time.

Tricia, you don't read my blog, but one day you will... God has given me the best bunch of friends BUT you must know that I am a good friend because you are the best friend and have taught me by being who you are to me. Faithful one, you are unchanging just like Jesus and I love that I get to have you as my best friend :)

I love you all!