Me - "Hey buddy, did they use the gel to freeze it before they gave you a shot?"
Austin - "No, they stuck a needle right through it...(a few seconds pass) Mom, aren't you mad at me?"
Me - "No hunny."
Austin - "Why not, I was playing with a knife."
Me - "I think that was lesson enough."
Sometimes as a mother I am obligated to say stuff and then thankfully sometimes there is nothing left to say...
Friday, November 14, 2008
Help - what is it and why or how to ask for or give it...
I was about to write about what help is to better understand it myself but I don't think that I understand it enough to, as Tanya said, make a philosophical blog about it. Here is me sorting it out...I do need very specific help so I am thinking about how to ask for it through this....
The way that I automatically understand help is taken from the following example of my life as an only child with a single mom. "Mom, can you help me _____?" My mother would answer, "What would you do if I wasn't here?" In most times that I need help, in all of them actually, I refer to this. What that made for me as a person is a strength in problem solving and for that I am so so so thankful but as with many childhood things, it created in me a negative response which includes a determination "to do it myself!" and the sense of not liking to ask for help is the manifestation of that idea.
I am not saying that I don't ask for help, I do, but there are certain times when I struggle with it terribly like what I need help for immediately in my world.
What I do need help with I can do ... but only because my mom isn't here? Or is this an instant of my determination TO do it myself. Jacob is a growing 3 year old and just like a normal kid, he tries to do things on his own. He gets into the car and tries to buckle in but gets aggravated when he can't do it himself but he does not have the reasoning yet to see that he will learn but for now he needs help. He doesn't ask for help most time he just screams that he can't get it done and that leads me to the point of teaching him that it's okay that he can't do it himself and reminding him that one day he'll be able to do it, just keep trying. Does it ever occur to the 3 year old to think, "what if I can never do it?" or really does he take in what I say and keep trying....that's rhetorical really. Indeed he will eventually be able to do it himself and yes for sure he'll be able to but does he know it?
What is it that I am going on about?! One more example. Jon and Kate plus 8... right from the get go they have had help with taking care of those 8 of theirs. Not so much with the care although if you watched them early on, they had friends help them by taking shifts for feeding, a lady who folded laundry and I am sure other people who helped them with the transition. I wonder with Kate and all her determination and pickyness how easy it was for her to accept help that was given, offered and extended and how she managed to get the good help she needed as it was very specific I am sure.
Here is me stating I need help and very specific help indeed. Today after being run down, tired and now sick with something respiratoryish, I still managed to accomplish many household chores. I have been trying to get this stuff done for a few days but everytime I turn around the proverbial pile gets bigger and bigger. I feel like I am shoveling a walk when it's snowing outside...snowing a lot, and constantly increasing.... I really need tangible like come over and do X, Y and/or Z. I told Kevin tonight, I have gotten to the point where I need real, pay someone help and what I am asking for from you is prayer and networking is both the way to get prayer going and also the way to find someone. I am really picky and the area that I need help in is fairly specific. I would like someone 2 to 3 days a week to help me catch up on whatever is lagging behind. This person needs to know how to work efficiently but also be able to do things the way they need to be done, that's why I am paying I need them done "right" for this home :)
So that's my message sorry it's long, finally Paige is settled and I can take her to bed (she has a fussy time now but still sleeps in the morning HOORAY!)
The way that I automatically understand help is taken from the following example of my life as an only child with a single mom. "Mom, can you help me _____?" My mother would answer, "What would you do if I wasn't here?" In most times that I need help, in all of them actually, I refer to this. What that made for me as a person is a strength in problem solving and for that I am so so so thankful but as with many childhood things, it created in me a negative response which includes a determination "to do it myself!" and the sense of not liking to ask for help is the manifestation of that idea.
I am not saying that I don't ask for help, I do, but there are certain times when I struggle with it terribly like what I need help for immediately in my world.
What I do need help with I can do ... but only because my mom isn't here? Or is this an instant of my determination TO do it myself. Jacob is a growing 3 year old and just like a normal kid, he tries to do things on his own. He gets into the car and tries to buckle in but gets aggravated when he can't do it himself but he does not have the reasoning yet to see that he will learn but for now he needs help. He doesn't ask for help most time he just screams that he can't get it done and that leads me to the point of teaching him that it's okay that he can't do it himself and reminding him that one day he'll be able to do it, just keep trying. Does it ever occur to the 3 year old to think, "what if I can never do it?" or really does he take in what I say and keep trying....that's rhetorical really. Indeed he will eventually be able to do it himself and yes for sure he'll be able to but does he know it?
What is it that I am going on about?! One more example. Jon and Kate plus 8... right from the get go they have had help with taking care of those 8 of theirs. Not so much with the care although if you watched them early on, they had friends help them by taking shifts for feeding, a lady who folded laundry and I am sure other people who helped them with the transition. I wonder with Kate and all her determination and pickyness how easy it was for her to accept help that was given, offered and extended and how she managed to get the good help she needed as it was very specific I am sure.
Here is me stating I need help and very specific help indeed. Today after being run down, tired and now sick with something respiratoryish, I still managed to accomplish many household chores. I have been trying to get this stuff done for a few days but everytime I turn around the proverbial pile gets bigger and bigger. I feel like I am shoveling a walk when it's snowing outside...snowing a lot, and constantly increasing.... I really need tangible like come over and do X, Y and/or Z. I told Kevin tonight, I have gotten to the point where I need real, pay someone help and what I am asking for from you is prayer and networking is both the way to get prayer going and also the way to find someone. I am really picky and the area that I need help in is fairly specific. I would like someone 2 to 3 days a week to help me catch up on whatever is lagging behind. This person needs to know how to work efficiently but also be able to do things the way they need to be done, that's why I am paying I need them done "right" for this home :)
So that's my message sorry it's long, finally Paige is settled and I can take her to bed (she has a fussy time now but still sleeps in the morning HOORAY!)
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