I didn't even realize I had this blog.

Does anyone follow it?

Step One

My journey on the path of knowing who I am in Christ has begun as I have started working through the steps in Celebrate Recovery. Granted, I am only on step one and barely scratched the surface of the 26 week program but I am thrilled to be working through my life issues and figuring out how to live in freedom through Christ.

I was going to write more but I think that about covers it. :)

Cleaning up and Cleaning out

God has a very interesting way of helping and motivating us to clean up which often, for me, leads to cleaning out. This weekend was spent hastily cleaning the kids' house. While we cleaned, we discovered things that needed repairs.

I find it interesting that when we decide to clean our hearts, the same thing happens. I often find that when I start cleaning one area of my heart from a habit or bad coping mechanism, another is revealed that needs repairing. It usually happens because once I've dealt with the first part of it, it uncovers some hurt or hang up that is causing more damage.

Thank GOD, literally, for Celebrate Recovery because I am in a position finally, where I can work on my hurts, habits and hang ups and apply strategies to ACTUALLY help me... well, HEAL!

I like this blog layout

In 11 days I leave OR and head to BC. I can't wait for pudgy cheek kisses, hugs from kids taller than I am and ... cookies. How lame, but it's cookies I miss... Fudgeeos and Peek Freans Fruit Cremes.

I will miss Saturday gaming and my diet Mountain Dew... not to mention Cherry Coke Zero and it will be weird to see Walkmart with no wine or beer.

knock knock

who's there?

Lara

This random, must be blogged thought, is for my friend Lara, who I miss but often don't say so.


"I really need two separate sinks (not a double sink) to help with the amount of food that I prepare at one moment."

I wonder

How many people will notice that I blogged?

I know, it's been forever and a day... and I have yet to read blogs... for some reason I have no time to LOL

So, hi....

reflecting

Kristen blogged in the last couple of days.  Her Meme passed away and she's reflecting on her own life as we often do when death completes the grand circle.... I am thinking of my own Grandpapa because whenever someone else loses someone close to them, I think of my first loss. I really don't remeber much about his life or his death, but I remember how empty I felt and how much I missed him and that he loved me so much. It was a long time ago, I was 8 or 9 when he died but I remember speaking french, the smell of the house, picking rhubarb from his garden, eating chocolate cake, drinking quik, eating vanilla ice cream with quik, maple cookies in the bottom drawer and map-o-spread... and now, what do I want.... map-o-spread ... Kristen, my prayers are with you friend :)

12:00...12:00...12:00...12:00...12:00...12:00...12:00...12:00...12:00...12:00...

Happy new year to you all!!! May the Lord bless you, your family and friends, prosper you in your life and keep you well.

What's happened this year?
We moved, Kevin lost his job then got a better one and we had a baby, Kevin is working in his promoted position as Operations Supervisor and truly enjoying his work. The company he works for is great and we feel blessed that Kevin has this job.

What does 2009 hold for us? Well, we could make plans based on what we have but really, it's just live life day to day and do what we do. But on the list of things that will happen are: get through kindergarten, start high school, (no really, I will have a highschool kid this time next year) work on strategies for parenting and get to church every week.

Added to the list are dumb things like losing weight, eating better and keeping a clean house but.... I have one that I really think will tie everything together.

I have a friend who has read the bible 5 times... I think it's five, it's 4 for sure. I would like to do it once... it's not "difficult" it's just a "gotta do it" thing. So, using my trusty igoogle page with my Google Reader plugged into it, I have found a one year bible blog and today read the scriptures of day one and two of 2009.

I laughed when I got to the last scripture reference because I have heard so many times before that life didn't come with an instruction book. Maybe it's more like never knowing how to change the time on the VCR but never bothering to look at the manual. This passage should read, "Instructions for Living In Full Epiphany or L.I.F.E."
Proverbs 1:1-7

The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:
for attaining wisdom and discipline;
for understanding words of insight;
for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life,
doing what is right and just and fair;
for giving prudence to the simple,
knowledge and discretion to the young-
let the wise listen and add to their learning,
and let the discerning get guidance-
for understanding proverbs and parables,
the sayings and riddles of the wise.

Christmas gift from God: Forgiveness

My newest and most profound concept to learn, yet oddly something I have not gone through, is forgiveness. I love that it's still Christmas time and that I am going to learn this concept starting now because some of us are celebrating the birth of the Saviour. I hope that by Easter I will have a larger understanding of forgivness so that I can celebrate that season like no other in my 16 year walk with God.

It's going to be great to finally release my anger, resentment and pain from my past so that I can move on to being a whole person filled with true peace, honest love and walk in full grace....

On another note...let's chose A# (which is B flat) ...

We were SO blessed this Christmas and I looking forward to 2009 as we anticipate another year full of joy as we celebrate our 13 years of marriage and embark on our 14th. Who on earth would have thought that WE, Kevin and Jennifer would have this life....

love to all :)

How do you change your habits

It's that time of year... yes Christmas and stockings and turkey and Merry Ho Ho, but more the "resolution" time of year. I have claimed for many years to not make resolutions for the same reason that I claim to be a non-competitive person. Who knows me knows that I have a competitive side but only when I think I can win. My resolutions are no different. I make them all the time not just for the first day of the year.

Judgement is the next part of this. Judge lest ye be judged... ponder that for a moment.... Today I was so angry at Kevin as I shovelled the sidewalk and made room for the garbage and recycling. Added to my anger was the fact that my garbage system was not followed by neither children NOR husband (2 lidded cans for kitchen garbage and the third for misc NON food type) and the crows got into it. I lost my temper with Austin because when I asked him to come help me he said NO and went away. So being the good citizen that I am, I cleaned up the mess and started to shovel.

I asked God why just like almost everyone does, regardless of their faith structure and wondered why I had to be the one to do it, why I was the one with the problem kids and why I am the one who has had such a hard go at childhood that spills on to my own kids'. Those thoughts often round to, "Don't worry about stuff, I have it under control, I am God and I have a plan," which nowadays does provide peace and strength to continue on and rounded me to darn it, I need some salt... oh well...

Tonight while Kev and I went to get our turkey, I was explaining to him that I was so mad at him this morning for not doing the man job and shovelling and salting. He did say sorry but sorta wondered why the sidewalks should be his responsibility ... 10 minutes pass and a few turns and skids later he complains that people are parking further and further away from the curb making is more dangerous to drive around because "they're too lazy to" .... he totally paused and got quietish .... "shovel"

We had a good laugh about that one and I got to say, Judge, lest ye be judged, see, it's YOU who will judge YOU when YOU judge another....

So here's me judging me. How does THAT work... if I judge myself off the bat, does that help in correcting the flaw? I want to change this thing in my life called we don't do anything with our kids syndrome and feel SO GUILTY about all the stuff we see other people do then we make excuses about how we can't. So, I want to change this .... it's not as easy as the tips I am about to ask for, but as most of you know, I do a shopping cart method and Denise might suggest something that matches with what Laura might say or something that Kristen might comment on :) so go for it, tell me how do YOU change your habits.

Add this to MY Christmas list

http://badmommymoments.wordpress.com/2008/12/16/giving-the-gift-of-sick-days/

Blogging

Up, down... up down.... up down... please hormones LEVEL OUT!

I am achey, sniffly and well stiff.... great... nice timing as usual.

I am going through the wringer with regards to my past...it slammed me in the face when we found out that Austin struggles with an attachment disorder...don't want to cry so I won't go into more detail unless I talk to you IRL.

I have guilt alllll over the place because I had allll these plans and haven't gotten them done...

Here's hoping the Open House goes okay ...

what the heck... how did that cloud get over my head!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two minutes later I click on Antinozzi Adventures and read how unalone I am PRAISE GOD and then the word for the verification I SWEAR was : whormone ROFL

The Road Not Taken - Don't feel sorry for me. This is me asking for help.

Staying on the straight and narrow path is not easy at this time of year. When I say the straight and narrow path I do not mean the biblical one but more the one that I am on, not looking left to the green grass on one side or the fancy garden on the other side. I am referring to a path that I took rather than the one I didn't take...

I am rather melancholy as of late but I will not blog the specifics of my doldrums. Those of you who know me WELL, may guess but only a couple of people understand from where I stand to observe and draw my conclusions by feeling happy for others, or sad for myself. Keeping jealousy and envy is so hard this time of year. I know I will make it through having faith to keep twinkles in my eyes (if only the tears that well up once in a while) because exhibiting any negative attitudes will make the brightness of the season wear off and take away it's sparkle from my children.

Pray for me, hug me if you see me and invite me out for coffee. I sorta need it right now to make it through the next 4 weeks....

I enjoy this when I feel the way I do...

Robert Frost

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

It's Official

I sent out the evite and made the event in Facebook. I clicked on just about everyone we know and now comes the OH MY GOSH what did I just do reaction. Well, here's hoping to a fun time and praying that people actually show up. Am I the only one who ever thinks that about their own parties?

Anyone know how to capture

While I watched Paige as I held her, she was "talking" to me and when I looked into her eyes to say hi back, I noticed the reflection of the Christmas tree lights in her eyes. Now, burned into my memory are the tiny multicoloured sparkles that made her eyes twinkle. How do I capture that on the camera? I need to take a mechanics of photography course so I can at least know how to TRY to take those shots...speaking pf phtos, anyone out there available to come over tomorrow (thursday dec 4) and take some shots of us?

a crafter /the re birth of a crafter.

When I was little, I enjoyed crafting. I remember one day cutting little circles out of white paper, folding them up, cutting them into snowflakes, tying them to string then tying each of them to a hanger. I remember the smell, the feel, the look of my basement playroom, I remember the colour of the dimly lit space and I remember the final product was hung where I could admire it.

This comes to me as a melancholy thought however; It brings up my only-child childhood, my single mother, and the sadness that I had when I was just so small. I can't say that I had a horrible childhood because it would be disrespectful to my mother who did her best, my step dad who still loves me today and my father who I didn't really spend time with until I lived with him later on. I will say that I was lonely and sad or that I remember I was and that I don't have all too many happy memories but I say this with a GIANT BUT...
My Christmas memories are all among my happiest. Almost to the point of bringing tears in my eyes because the joy that was brought to me at that time overshadowed the rest. My mom had SO much fun with it and always told me that she loved making it all about me and making me feel special. I loved the crafts that we did in school and when I was sick one year on the last day before the break, they did a craft that I still regret having missed. I still remember doing most activities, the tissue paper pattern on the cut out stocking, the stocking you "sew" up with yarn and construction paper, the smell of the blue ink copy machine word searches and crosswords, a paper plate with a thing cut out and pasted into the center with pasta shapes all around and spray painted gold and paper chains. I love Christmas crafts and have done them on and off for all my life. I think while I was a teenager I probably stopped crafting although Tanya made it fun because we'd by the cheapest, ugliest and tackiest cards and filled and handed them out. When I had Hope it was like the craft bug was rekindled and I began crafting again as an adult but I stopped somewhere and this blog is going to help me figure out where and when I stopped. But my memories of crafting make the memories stick!

I am referencing Christmas in all these notes:

1996 - Hope is 7 months old. For Kevin I made A HUGE polar fleece blanket from a "seconds" piece (I paid 10 bucks which was a steal back then) I made matching Stockings from offset green and red flannel and edging stuff the name of which escapes me,I bought enough material to make more in the event that we had more kids.....

1997 - Hope is 19 months and Austin is almost born. Made a few extra stockings. That year as I impatiently waited for Austin's birthday, I sat in Mom and Dad's basement (Laura and Phil) and painted ceramic and wooden ornaments for gifts, a shell mobile (for MIL) that was SUCH a cool colour, a matching tealight holder, pineapple marmalade for FIL and remember that I wasn't allowed to be around when the varnish was sprayed.

1998 - I made these super cool glass balls. Okay I "crafted" them by adding snow to the tops. Kevin adores them and we only have 2 left :(

1999 - Kevin and I broke up a week before Austin was to turn 2...no crafts

2000 - I only crafted because I had a friend who had older kids who crafted and just joined in...it was bead crafts.
2001 - uh, no crafts and uh no crafts

2002 YAY we had just gotten back together in September and announced the pending arrival of Samuel on Christmas eve. For crafts it was low key but, the kids and I had fun gluing big confetti to differnt shaped things but not more than that crafting happened.

2003 Daycare year... did lots of crafts with the kids to keep them busy PLUS a TON of wooden ornaments, with Mom, (Laura) and we even got to sell some of these at craft fairs. Painting was FUN that year because I was able to loosen up and not make it so "perfect"

but 2004-present seems like a blur.... the twins (in 2005) bless them, made it difficult to craft.

2008 - It all started with me getting yet again, fed up. I have told a few of you what happened but I am SO embarrassed about it that I won't blog it, but needless to say all I thought of was how on God's green earth was my tree going to stay safe for the 4 younger ones if it has ornaments on it. In a fit of venting I had one friend say just get the kids to decorate, another say, oh they will learn and when I finally had said NOPE, only lights, one said just make em and decorate as you go. ... ... ... WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA and that re birthed my crafty side.

So here I am realizing that all at once I am cutting away my melancholy as I foster creativity in my kids while we glue the smells, sounds and feelings to our times together, sew memories on our hearts and hang them on our minds to admire and look back upon.

Tomorrow is tree putting up day and I have something planned for everyday of Decemeber. I hope the kids remember these times for ever :)

Christmas List ... seems to be catchy...

No one has actually asked me what I want but I was feeling sorry for myself today because I see people making lists and I know they will get some of the stuff on their lists... hmmm feeling sorry myself... chewing on that reality. I hate that feeling so to turn it around, ironically enough I wrote my Wish List.... there is no BS attached to this one, it's simply what I want for Christmas.

• A nicely decorated house that I feel all Christmasy coming into and makes others feel loved
• Lights everywhere in and out
• A well taken family portrait of all 8 of us; one that makes the viewer go awwwww....and letter to send out
• Inspiration, motivation and fulfilment of making gifts for people other than my kids
• People to come to our party on the 21st (details to come)
• Money to buy the things that I can't afford for my kids. (vtec/playschool digital camera, wii controllers/games/accessories)
• All 8 stockings filled
• Christmas morning snow
• Music all month
• money to buy somethings expensive for Kevin
  
• Christmas dinner to go off without a hitch
• go to church on Christmas eve and NOT have a freaking out family at the end of it
• a diagnosis for Austin that we can incorporate into our world
  

There are some things that I want, but more things that I need like sweaters and long sleeved shirts (I am cold all the time) and a pair of those funky rubber boots that go up to the knees. I have been looking for because honestly having cold feet makes me agitated, crabby and quite frankly unpleasant and anxious from the shivering it starts.

I don't know about sharing this because frankly I don't have anyone who I expect to get things from but processing it out and reading it over again it's a laugh because I didn't add the few things that I desire to have like a GPS unit, an 8Gig iTouch and Animal Crossing for Wii... those things added up equal my first born or my right arm, both of which I am quite attached to (bahdumbum chishhhhh) so unless the million dollars that I have been asking for comes in... those are unrealistic for December 25th, 2008...


"Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be for all people."

Thanks for Blogging Lara now here is my "comment"

I just read my friends blog HERE and she mentioned me. My comment was way too long to post as a comment and I started laughing while I wrote it out so I decided to copy her idea of her blog and do it too.

To Lara: (spoken in teenager "like hello" tone of voice) Yaaah.....hello!?

We have little kids but we still go through:
21 bananas min/week
10-15 apples,
42 yogurts,
2 bags of granola,
we've banned the kids from cold cereal because they go through 3 boxes a week and waste a cumulative total of 3/4 to half a box that gets left in the bowl all yuck and soggy (That adds up to 20 bucks a month!!!)
2kgs of oats/month
10kg of flour every 2 months
3 bags of brown sugar and I get the demerera or best brown stuff - $$
4kg frozen chicken breasts/month
3 family packs of ground beef/month
3 pizzas every week or so (Costco frozen ones)
1 lasagna/week
I think I buy granola and oatmeal bars every 5 days
2 best buy cheese from Safeway every week and now I think I need to switch to the behemoth one from Extra Foods,
4L of milk every 2 days,
2L of soy milk every 3 days,
30 dollars in misc fresh fruits and veg/week
now a box of oranges every 3-4 days,
a pack of spaghetti or 2 bags of pasta every week
10lbs of potatoes
HUGE bag of rice every month,
oh salad dressing; 3 bottles every 2 weeks, plus a 16 serving bag of salad every week nowadays
3 loaves of bread and 2 dozen buns (and THANKS be to God for free Cobs bread products from the church across the street and 4 properties down)
oh gosh does it end?

No?! and yep Lara! I see my future quite clearly with the two preteens who eat like teens, and teens, for those who do not know, eat like 1.5-2.5 adult portions and the little kids are still in the "serve a small amount and they might eat it or....not" and if they eat more, it's like a 2/3 portion for an adult plus they eat like ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL morning...all the toddler, preschool, K aged kids moms say WORD!!!

I think of myself and Denise and Lara and Kristen because we all either have kids who eat A LOT or just a large number of children.... can I get my chef hat and responded to like Jamie Oliver or Gordon Ramsey, I promise to stop swearing so much ;)

So let's also think about cleaning up all of that; dishwasher detergent that we go through because we are a team playing family who's older children are responsible for dishes and they use too much......or uh, newest found awe inspired thought is LAUNDRY det..... this is the 3rd one to come into the house that I said as I read it on my list at Costco, "didn't I JUST get this last time I was here?!" and last week I decided that now indeed it is worth it to save the 9 bucks every time and get the Kirkland one.....

PS the last time I bought canned soup I almost wanted to scream at how much it cost and how little there was

Homemade soup equation is great though. Eat roasted chickens costing around 10 bucks (1.5 worth of chicken meat to be fair) boil the bones with salt for 2 or 6 hours. Take out bones. That cost me the cost of the water (it's filered), the salt and not the chicken because I could have thrown it away. Then the 10 dollars of carrots, onion and celery and the left over chicken (or not) and a dozen free buns..... I LOVE making that meal! OH! I made salmon chowder with an 8 dollar fish the other day. I used better than boullion, which is 7 dollars for the jar and makes like 10 of my soups and other than that I added the veggies and meat... Soup can never be bought again becuase of the $$$$ of it but also because I don't like the canned ones anymore....

Who's next....

1 - 2 - 3 Magic

Does anyone have 1 - 2 - 3 Magic DVD series that they would be willing to loan me? I hear this technique is amazing and I would like to try it but don't have the time or patience to read the book. I might go buy it tomorrow so if you do have it or know someone who does, I would like to check it out :) THANKS!